My boy is 1

Wow. I can't believe we made it to his party with all the planning and everything that goes with a first birthday.. I can't believe its over. We had such an amazing time.. There were so many people that came to celebrate with us and to show their love to my baby boy. He looked so handsome too! He behaved so well. There were over 60 people there and he just smiled and played with the kids and was 100% OK with everyone holding him and passing him around and he was just all around a good kid.

His aunt Kendra (my sister) got him the most amazing cake. It was so freaking cute and tasted amazing!! I mean it was nicer looking then my wedding cake.

We did a Mickey Mouse theme and everything looked so darn cute. I cant get over how nice everything came together.  It was so worth the stress and emotion that went into it.

I made cake balls for the first time and we made chocolate dipper Oreo's and had fried chicken and pasta salad. Oh it was so amazing!

So cute

Opening presents

Him and his cake 

His cake eating

Stepping out of my comfort zone and LOVING IT!!

For the last few years I have been ashamed of how I look or how I dress to hide how my body looks. I never had enough will power to change how look because I think deep down it was my way of hiding from the world and have an excuse to do so. Which in a way is funny because by "hiding" I ended up making my body worse. So I finally had enough will power to do something about it and stop hiding. (it only took me breaking down in tears in front of the mirror wondering how the hell my husband can get aroused by looking at me).

So I started walking every morning and I also started P90x which is like the biggest change. I joined a Mommy group and have been actually going to quite a few of the meet ups and you know what... I enjoyed it... who would have guessed. Also in this new found will power I also swallowed my pride and said I was sorry to one of my best friends who I was a total Bitch to... and honestly I didn't deserve her forgiveness.. but she proved to be the better of the two of us and forgave me.. and now we seem to be getting back to being good friends.. which is like some of the best news... (its the small things in life that are the biggest and make the most impact).... and with all those changes I lost 10lbs and have gained so much more confidence.

I can't tell you how this little bit of confidence has changed my mindset on so many things, and its not  like I have a ton of it.. but just a little bit. I actually look forward to my Wednesday morning walks with the mommy group. There are two girls that I actually see myself being friends with. They are actually really sweet girls and great moms... they are close to my age AND they don't care that I am fat. So with these new friend ships I look forward to out meet ups and I look forward to getting out of the house and I am starting to accept that I have more to offer then just being the fat person people make jokes about in their head (I know that's not what was happening but in my head it was).

And with all this going out and new friendships my son also gets a huge benefit. We go out with other people instead of me just taking him across the street to the same playground everyday. Which in its own way also encourages me to get out more too... So all in all... I am loving this new chapter in my life!!