Struggles with Breast Feeding

While I was pregnant I wanted to breast feed so badly. I read books on what to expect, I had clothes to wear, I had mentally and physically prepared myself for it. I was excited to have that bond with my child.

Well God had other plans for me because my boobs are broken. After that first night realizing that he wasn't getting milk from me we started to give him a bottle. I would nurse first, 15 min on each side and then if he was still acting hungry we would give him the bottle. I would pump as much as I could, which to be honest was not that often. Trying to spend 30 minutes nursing and then feed him a bottle which at the time would take 30 minutes at least then change his diaper. At that point it was almost time to start over again. Plus I was also taking medication that was suppose to help my milk come in every 4 hours so I had to remember to do that. I was also taking an herbal supplement in the morning, afternoon and night called Fenugreek. I also had to drink TONS of water. So with all that said I didn't have much free time and when I did I wanted to sleep not pump. But I did my best to do both.

After 5 weeks of taking all these herbs, eating oatmeal daily (something in Oatmeal is suppose to help with milk production), taking the prescription, pumping as often as I could, breast feeding before most bottles and drinking  Mothers Milk Tea I finally had enough. I talked to a doctor and she said that I may not have milk at all. Its extremely rare but possible. When I did have time to pump I would maybe get 4 or 5 drops out.. literally. It was getting to the point that feeding him a bottle was depressing because I wanted my boobs to work so bad. At one point I was so upset that I thought my body didn't work at all, that if it weren't for medicine I would not have been able to have Bradley. He probably would not have even been born. With him being to big to deliver naturally and then with no milk at all he would have not made it either way. At that point I realized that I was beating myself up to much and that it wasn't in the cards to breast feed him.

Once I made that choice, after a day of being sad that I couldn't give the best gift of breast milk to my son, I felt better and got back into being happy to feed him. It was a good choice. Looking back I don't regret what I did and know that I did the best I could to make it work.