My struggle and frustrations with Cloth diapering my son

UGH!

I knew since I was about 4 months pregnant that I wanted to cloth diaper my son. I really liked the idea of keeping disposables out the land fills and also I loved the fact that cloth diapers help prevent diaper rash and are better for babies skin. So I set out on the journey of research to find the right company to do cloth diapers. At this point I just thought there were a few choices I would have to make and Vuala, that would be done with and all I would have to do would be to buy them. Boy was I wrong. Once I started looking into things I realized I had more choices then I wanted, One size, Pockets, All in ones, All in twos, Hybrids, Prefolds, Covers, Fitteds, PUL vs TPU, Hemp vs Micro fiber vd Fleece, One size vd Sized, Velcro vs snaps, I could go on. So once you pick what type you want, you then have to sort through the 100s of brands and pick which one of those you want. I have been looking in to these and doing countless hours of research since I was 4 months pregnant, and now Bradley is 3 1/2 months old and I still am coming across plenty of diapers I have never heard of.

We started off with getting different kinds and seeing what we liked, and we liked what one called a hybrid diaper, G Diaper......

This is what it looks like ^

 < This is Bradley 15 days old in his first one

They were very bulky between his legs as you can see. So what a G diaper is a outer fabric layer that has a plastic snap in liner that holds a micro fiber cloth insert. So with each diaper change you just change the micro fiber insert instead of the entire diaper. So it's suppose to save on space since you only need like 6 or 7 outer cover and 20 or so inserts since you wash them. So I fell in love with the idea... until I started using them. As you can see it didn't fit well on him at all. After about 3 days use I hated them. They don't hold in anything. He was leaking out of every diaper. Not to mention the fact that the plastic snap in liner keeps in heat so it makes him super sweaty and very uncomfortable which results in a cranky baby. So overall the G diaper is one of the worst diapers I have tried. Not to mention the fact that they are expensive... $18 for one cover then $30 for 6 micro fiber inserts. So in total to start you would need about $300. Oh and did I mention you would need to spend that much 3 times to get small, med and large. So not the cheapest choice. Why I liked them in the beginning I have NO idea.

So from there we decided that they were a waste of money and we sold them on Ebay.com for almost as much as we spent on them since he only wore a few of them. We then did more research and found the one size pocket diapers.

So as you can see from the diagram, its a diaper that goes one and off just like a disposable and tossed in the hamper after each change... just like a disposable. They said this diaper is husband proof and daycare proof and grandparent proof. So we thought this may be the one so we go some of them. Oh did I mention they are one size and can be adjusted with just a snap (look at the diagram on the right).

So we ordered some and I really liked them, and so did Randy. So we ordered 40 of them. After about a solid 2 weeks of JUST using cloth diapers and I hit some bumps again. They leak when ever he sleeps, naps as short as 1 hour or over night for 8 hours. The diapers we got are called Alvababies, they are about $6 a diaper and are made in China. Other pocket diapers that are made here in US are about $18-$30 a diaper, so my thought is are they not working because they are cheap quality.

Back to the internet I went. There I found many other options that I could do and now I'm all confused again. There are so many choices. The other ones are more expensive and would cost more to test them out. So how do you decide which ones to try with out breaking the bank. Someone asked me why don't I just give up and us disposables over night. I had to explain that its not just bed time. Any one who is a mother out there knows that a nap schedule for a 3 month old is not set in stone. So to make sure he doesn't to sleep in cloth at nap time would be close to impossible.





UGH

Hospital Stay

Bradly at CHOC the night we got there. 

Friday night we took Bradley to the E.R as I mentioned in my previous entry, well when we woke up on Saturday he was screaming and not happy and obviously in pain. We took him back the E.R and they did another enema and it didn't work so they admitted him Children's Hospital of Orange County. They put him in his room and took all his vitals and got his history with his pooping and his formula changes and all that good stuff. I never realized how many changes and little things that have happened to Bradley since he was born. I was having a really hard time coming up with a time line with everything. I couldn't remember for the life of me how long he was on each formula or when we switched or why he was in the ER in the past. I felt like a bad mom because it all was just a big blur. It seemed like it was all so long ago and I couldn't tell the doctor what he needed to know. He wanted to know what formulas he was on and how long and how old Bradley was and why we switched. Well we have had 7 formulas in his short 3 months so its a lot to remember. So after they got all that information they hooked him up to the monitors to watch his blood pressure and an sleep watch as well. They told us to get some rest since it was about 1am and that the


Pediatric Gastro Specialist would be in the following morning to go over everything with us.

      

 looking up at the mobile

The next morning they did an ultrasound of Bradley's tummy to see what was in his intestines and to look for the so called "blockage" they found in the ER on the x-rays. Shortly after that the GI specialist. Dr. Grant, came in to go over everything with us. He was VERY rude to me and seemed to not care that my son has been in pain for his entire life. But he seemed like he knew what he was talking about. He said that we don't know why this is happening to him and we wont know. He said that its nothing serious, and I shouldn't be in the hospital. I argued that my boy needing help for 3 months to do what should come naturally, at this age should be doing with out really thinking about, isn't normal. He kept referring to a child he has as a patient that goes 20 days with out going #2 and that's perfectly OK. I know I am not a doctor, but that just isn't right.



 My mom made a joke to Dr. Grant about me needing meds to handle him so I don't toss Bradley over the balcony and since she said that Dr. Grant looked at me a little differently as if she was serious. He told me to go on vacation if I get to stressed and that I need to get a break since I am having a hard time with this. I told him that I was having a hard time since he cries most the day, but not because he is crying, its because I can't do anything to help him feel better. Its painful as a mother to know your baby hurts and not be able to do anything about it. He didn't seem to believe me.

So his diagnosis was he was constipated and that was it. His treatment was complicated and I am still not 100% on board with that one...

1tsp Milk of Magnesia once a day - if that doesn't work to continue upping the dosage every 3 days until he goes daily and on his own
1 pill of Lactalose (probiotics) daily
1tsp Maalox twice a day with the same thing as the M.O.M, up dosage as needed
Tylenol for pain as needed
1/8 of a cup of Miralax once a day and up dosage as needed
Change formula from Soy to Enfamil Gentlease.

He didn't feel that Bradley is lactose intolerant and that it's just that his stomach was not mature enough for the milk proteins. He also said that he thinks Bradley's tummy just ins't mature enough to poo normally. That he may just have slow bowels, or possibly that he had too many solid poos that hurt him so badly (always made him bleed) that he is now afraid to go since it will hurt. So with all the meds it will soften it up so much that he wont have a choice but to let it out and it will "re-train" him that its OK to go. He said that his plan is to start with the meds I listed at those dosages and to continue upping everything until he was going on a normal schedule and then stay at that dosage for up to 2 years, but potentially longer.

He made it all seem like it was no big deal and he didn't seem concerned at all with the fact that my boy is uncomfortable at all. When I asked to make him feel better he said Tylenol, but only getting his pooper working is going to work 100%. I mentioned to him that this all seems like a lot of medication for my 3 month old baby and he seemed like it was nothing and kept referring to that girl who goes 20 days. He kept making references to Bradley's future of needing MOM to go and how he may have poo issues for his entire life. I don't understand how this can be life long with out tknowing how it happened.

Before he left he said that he wanted to run one more test to rule out a more serious issue, the test is  called Barium Enema, which basically is like colon hydrotherapy they put a tube in his bum, tape it closed and allow 500cc's of colored water (with barium) so it will go into his bowels and intestines and then take several x-rays. They contrast of the color will black out on the x-rays so they can see if there were any leaks or crinkles that would cause poo to get backed up. They were also looking for something more serious called Hirschsprung's Disease and basically ment that part of his intestines had nerve damage and didn't work and would need surgery. The test was negative thank goodness!

My issue with all this is we still don't know why this is going on, which I asked several times. I don't understand how we can treat something when we don't know whats causing it. How can we change whats going on with out knowing what to change.

I do have to admit he has gone to the restroom by himself 3 times now since we were discharged and is in much better spirits. I just don't want to over medicate my baby. I went to my pediatrician and she was shocked at how much Dr. Grant wants Bradley taking... that makes this even more difficult. UGH.

My troubling question... How do you know whats the best thing to do? Who do you listen to?

Confused and I don't like it!

OK to start from the beginning, When Bradley was 6 days old he had his first suppository since he hadn't had a BM in 4 days. With all the breastfeeding issues he was on milk based formula as a supplement. He had more and more constipation issues so the doctor switched his formula, this repeated itself for 2 months and the constipation did not get any better. They thought for a while that he had acid reflux and gave him medication for that and that didn't work either.

About 3 weeks ago I called my mom crying like a 2 year old because Bradley wouldn't stop crying. (which was my normal day, spells of him crying for 6-7 hours a day non stop). She told me to hang on and had my step mom call my husband and told him to go get soy formula on his way home from work and she told him there was no if, ands or buts about it and it was an order. I kind of laughed at it. So he did as he was told like a good son in law with the hopes that something would work because the crying like this was not only killing me but making me super cranky  and I was biting his head off too.

So we gave Bradley the soy bottle and with in 30 min he had stopped crying and was smiling and totally happy. This lasted for 3 days so the pediatrician agreed that he was lactose intolerant. So we thought that was that and all was good. Boy we were wrong. So with the happy tummy from not having milk came some really backed up bowels, which we read was a side effect of soy.

The doc told us to try watering down his bottle, didn't work. She told us to try more suppositories to regulate him, didn't work. Try apple juice, Nada, try prune juice, still backed up, try watering down the bottles more, still backed up.

So today i decided that this is more then just formula thats making him backed up. He has been having this issue since he was less then a week old and nothing has worked so there has to be more to it. I called the doc today and she said that she was stumped and to take him to CHOC since they would know more about what to do and have more equipment to run tests.

So we went to the ER and gave them the 411 on his 3 months of life and how he has been constipated more then not and how it causes him pain and discomfort and we wanted some answers.

The took X-rays of his chest and tummy to see if anything was in his intestinal tract and if there was something in the way that would cause chronic constipation and sure enough there was a big mass in his colon. So they then took some blood to test his sodium since we have been watering down his bottles and started an IV for some fluids to make sure he is on tack with his fluids. They then did an enema to get the mass out, which worked just like the suppository does. He then told us to use the laxatives and if it doesn't go away to see the GI. He said that he hopes that getting him flushed out will regulate him. If thats not the case then there is some other rare issue that is doing this and we need to see the GI for that.

Here is where things start to confuse me...

Our doctor told us to water down his bottles to help his BM's come in less hard, the doctor in the ER said NO NO NO that can cause sodium deficiencies and vitamin loss. Doctor said to use suppositories every 24 hours and the ER doc said no not at all that it can cause damage to his bum and that it will cause him to be reliant on the stimulation to go and will stop going on his own. Our doctor told us that giving him 6oz of formula every 4 hours was OK and the ER doc said no.

I am getting so confused with the doctors difference in opinions and I don't know what to listen to any more. Its my sons health and I want to do whats right for my son but its so hard to do that when you have different doctors that you trust tell you things that are night and day.

Another thing is the ER doc gave us some laxatives for Bradley to take to hopefully put him on the right track. He said that if it doesn't go away in 4 days to go to a Gastro Doctor and get a colonoscopy and then a nurse came in and said that we should make an appointment with one for a consult right away, which is what my mom says we should do.

I wish that all the children doctors were on the same page with what to do. I wish I knew what the right choice was for my son! It's hard enough to know when to take him in and to worry about getting sick and now I have to worry about what doctors to listen too. UGH

Pool time!!

In the pool with my little man

My mom has this beautiful pool and we were hanging out at her house on Sunday and we randomly decided to go swimming. Randy went and got him a swim shirt and and we all got in. I was a little worried that he wouldn't like it or he would be cold (pool is heated) and all these other worries that went on. But we did it anyways.
We got him in his little swimmer diapers and his swim shirt and got his floaty blown up and in we went. He fussed until i got more in the water and then

HE LOVED IT!! 


It was so amazing to have him in my arms and in the pool. My mom got in with us and he just loved it all. He talked and kicked and laughed. It was awesome! I can't wait to do it again!

Hanging with Daddy in the pool

First Mothers Day

My day started a little early. The night before I had a bubble bath with a glass of wine. Randy couldn't wait any longer so he gave me my girts while I was in the bath. I got a bouquet of beautiful red roses, a cross neclace,  and $100 gift card to Picaboo which is an online scrapbooking tool. I also got the new Cricut exprssions (scrap booking cutting machine.. my obsession,) but I got that the week before since it came in the mail and I saw it already he let me have it. Its an amazing toy, if I am not on here or taking care of Bradley during the day I am scrap booking.

its amazing

So my first Mothers day was amazing. It started by me getting with Church, which was an amazing service. Pastor Tom is get with sermons. He really makes you think. I always leave feeling better and better about my faith after listening to him.

Hubby then took me to this restaurant that we have been wanting to try called The Hungry Bear for breakfast. And WOW it was amazing. I had a HUGE breakfast burrito and it was so amazing, he had a Ham and Bacon omelet and that was also amazing.

We went home and relaxed and just enjoyed the day. Then he took Bradley and I to Claim Jumper and I had an amazing steak dinner.

The day was perfect. I couldn't have asked for more. He set the bar high for Fathers day .

Soul Mate, Best Friend, Husband

After talking so much about my son I wanted to take some time to talk a little more about my husband. I am such a lucky girl to have him as my partner. He has always been my number 1 fan and always been there beside me no matter what life sent our way. We have had some really rough patches in the past with finances or our living arrangements or just life itself and no matter what we always knew we would be ok because we had each other.

He has always done whatever he can to make sure I always had whatever I wanted. Now don't take that as me being one of those girls who likes that kind of thing and expects it. Yes I appreciated everything my husband does for me, but I do not expect it. I am a very independent woman and always have been, even since I was a little wee one.

He does things like work extra hard so I don't have to go back to work, even though we don't think thats fully possible, its the thought that counts. He gets home from work each day and makes us dinner since Mr. Bradley usually wont let me do it. He gets up with me at night to feed him, now we just take turns doing it so we can get full night sleeps every other night.

I could go on! I just really am such a lucky person.

I just had the urge to say that on here. Sometimes I take having him in my life for granted. I get lost in my son and sometimes need to take a step back and just appreciate Randy. Ever since we had Bradley I must admit we have been closer then ever. We make it a point to not loose the us time that we cherish. Every night when Bradley goes down we spend time in bed just talking about the day, no matter what time it is. We also have date night once a week and god somewhere nice and have us time, yes we take Bradley but we go during nap time so he just sleeps and we can enjoy each others company. On the weekends all 3 of us will have time to relax and watch a movie or something and just be lazy for even just a couple hours to make sure we take in every minute we can of being parents

We try very hard to make sure that we don't loose us while being Mommy and Daddy and I think so far we are doing great. We want to be just as in love, if not more, 30 years from now and the only way is to make sure we stay focused on us even for a few minutes a day. We don't want to end up being those parents who blink and it all has changed and they didn't enjoy parenting together and didn't enjoy each other.

I honestly believe that he was a gift from the heavens to me. I am not the easiest person to deal with at times and he is so patient with me. I am very blessed to have him as my partner, he really is my soul mate and best friend

Photo Shoot

When Bradley was 6 weeks old a photographer came to our house and took some of the most amazing pictures of him. When I got to see them I cried. I just got them in the mail today and had the same reaction. These pictures truly are priceless. 

                                                  

Baptism

On March 15th, 2011 we got Bradley baptized at St. Paul's Lutheran Church in Fullerton CA. It was an amazing service with all our loved ones there. He was baptized by Pastor Tom. We are new to the church and he did a great job at making us feel welcome. He behaved so well during the service, only cried when Pastor Tom put the water on his head. He then took Bradley and walked him around the church and showed him off. He loved the little suit we put Bradley in. After we took our seats Bradley just sat on my lap and looked around the rest of the service. He does love to go church, every Sunday he behaves so well.

He is fortunate enough to have some amazing God parents. He has 3 of them and is very lucky to have each one of them. We chose to have my Uncle Bob and Aunt Becky and our dear friend Tiffnay be his God Parents. We chose to have 3 because we knew that my aunt and uncle would be there for him spiritually no matter what and Tiffany was going through the same thing, she just got her 17 month old daughter baptized and I knew that she would be a big part of our future and having her represent another spiritual person in his life I knew would be a good thing for his future.


Tiffany has been a big help to me during this journey. It was nice to have such a great friend to help me through it all from answering questions to being a huge emotional support for me. I am just now starting to go back to church and had a lot of questions about things I either had forgotten or just didn't know and she never once made me feel stupid for not knowing. I am very lucky to have her in my life.

After the service so many people came up to us and introduced themselves and told us how beautiful our baby was. It was a truly amazing day for me.

Struggles with Breast Feeding

While I was pregnant I wanted to breast feed so badly. I read books on what to expect, I had clothes to wear, I had mentally and physically prepared myself for it. I was excited to have that bond with my child.

Well God had other plans for me because my boobs are broken. After that first night realizing that he wasn't getting milk from me we started to give him a bottle. I would nurse first, 15 min on each side and then if he was still acting hungry we would give him the bottle. I would pump as much as I could, which to be honest was not that often. Trying to spend 30 minutes nursing and then feed him a bottle which at the time would take 30 minutes at least then change his diaper. At that point it was almost time to start over again. Plus I was also taking medication that was suppose to help my milk come in every 4 hours so I had to remember to do that. I was also taking an herbal supplement in the morning, afternoon and night called Fenugreek. I also had to drink TONS of water. So with all that said I didn't have much free time and when I did I wanted to sleep not pump. But I did my best to do both.

After 5 weeks of taking all these herbs, eating oatmeal daily (something in Oatmeal is suppose to help with milk production), taking the prescription, pumping as often as I could, breast feeding before most bottles and drinking  Mothers Milk Tea I finally had enough. I talked to a doctor and she said that I may not have milk at all. Its extremely rare but possible. When I did have time to pump I would maybe get 4 or 5 drops out.. literally. It was getting to the point that feeding him a bottle was depressing because I wanted my boobs to work so bad. At one point I was so upset that I thought my body didn't work at all, that if it weren't for medicine I would not have been able to have Bradley. He probably would not have even been born. With him being to big to deliver naturally and then with no milk at all he would have not made it either way. At that point I realized that I was beating myself up to much and that it wasn't in the cards to breast feed him.

Once I made that choice, after a day of being sad that I couldn't give the best gift of breast milk to my son, I felt better and got back into being happy to feed him. It was a good choice. Looking back I don't regret what I did and know that I did the best I could to make it work.

Thankful for my Mom

My first days home I was lucky to have my mom. She did all the cooking and cleaning and helped out so much with Bradley. I don't know what I would have done with out her. I had a hard time with the breast feeding. The first night home I had fed him for almost 2 hours straight and he was still screaming. She came into the room and with one look at him she knew he was hungry. So she went downstairs and made him a formula bottle. He took it so fast. I broke down in tears... again. I felt horrible that he was so hungry. I knew all along that he was not getting enough milk, or any at all and the darn nurses would not listen to me. My poor boy was just hungry. That was the first night of my breast feeding nightmare.

Having my mom there made things so much easier for Randy and I. We had amazing dinners every night, we bonded so much with her, and not to mention she got to spend some great time with Bradley. I would so have her move in if my step mom and my siblings would allow that. I really miss having her here, and not just because she cooks amazing steak, but because it was nice to have time to bond with her like that. It has been a long time since we had just us time to do that.

I am a bit of a mommies girl if you didn't notice

First few days as Mommy

Everything happened so fast that it didn't hit me that I was a mom until everyone left and Randy fell asleep and I had a few minutes to look at my son and just take it all in. That was the first time I cried.

My first night in the hospital was extremely long. I was trying to breast feed so I was getting use to doing that. He would nurse for an hour at a time and then want to be nursed again 45 minutes later. Between that and him being changed and me being worried when he was sleeping alone in his little crib next to me and then you ad the pain in my tummy I was scared to fall asleep.

He cried a lot the first few days. Sometimes for several hours at a time. I didn't think he was eating enough, I didn't feel like everyone told me I would when I was breast feeding. I didn't get the "let down" or engorged or any different feelings at all. I must have asked the nurses 20 times if that was normal and how to know if anything was coming out. They all told me to keep nursing and I was doing the right thing. So I kept nursing.

I remember one night he was crying and screaming for almost 2 hours. Randy and I couldn't calm him down. I was convinced something was wrong so I paged the nurse on duty and she came in to help us. That was the worst night for me. While I was in tears since I had not slept for even 5 minutes since I got there (Tuesday morning and this took place Thursday at 4am) this so called nurse told us that we were doing it all wrong and that I was to stressed and I needed to calm down and stop crying or I would be a bad mom. She told me that I was lucky that I had my husband with me and that most moms there didn't and I needed to take advantage of that. She told me I was holding him wrong, feeding him wrong and swaddling him wrong. She even at one point raised her voice and told me firmly to stop crying. I was so terrified that I was totally messing up. After a few more hours and my mom coming to help I realized that she was a horrible nurse and that I was doing fine. I can't believe a nurse could say that to a mother who has only had her child for under 72 hours.

Our stay at Fountain Valley Hospital was not the greatest. I will definitely  not have my next child there. They were rude and unorganized. The nurses all seemed bother by the fact that I would page them for my medicine or for help with Bradley. My first night there 12 hours after my C Section the nurse came in at 4 in the morning and told me I had to get out of bed. I had just gotten Bradley to sleep and was in desperate need of some shut eye myself. The morphine was getting the best of me. She said that I needed to toughen up and get out of bed. I was in tears trying to move. She made me walk all the way to the bathroom sit down and stand back up and walk back to my bed, even though I had a catheter in. She didn't care in the least bit that I was tired and was not sensitive to the fact that walking hurt like hell. I had another nurse come in and check my IV's and she leaned on my incision and I screamed and she looked at me and said "oh, did you have a C Section" I just looked at her with more tears in my eyes and said "can I please have my pain meds no?". How can you be my nurse and not know I had a C Section? Could these nurses pretend to care at least.

He got circumcised on Thursday. I was so sad and afraid for him.They didn't let me go with him which is a good thing. I don't think I would have been able to handle that. The doctor said he didn't even flinch when she did it. He bled a bit and I was terrified to change his diaper. I cried when they brought him back to me and showed me what it looked like. Poor little man.

I was so relived to come home. I got discharged on Friday March 5th. About 3 hours before we went home the doctor told us that Bradley had Jaundice, and that we needed to give him some light and keep feeding him and he should be fine. He also had a fever and had lost 1 pound. Getting him ready to go home was exciting and scary. I felt comfortable there and didn't want something to happen to him so far away from help. But at the same time I was relieved to get out of that Hell Hole.

We got him all dressed and ready to go and got the car all packed up.

Him ready to go home

Getting me into the car was a mission. Very painful. My mom took Bradley and I to my house while Randy went to pick up our dog and get her home. We had been told to have the dog, Bella, home before the baby got there so she didn't get aggressive so thats what we did.
The drive home was rough and long. The roads were bumpy and every pot hole was a sharp pain. I swear my mom was hitting them on purpose. hehe. My sister was there with us, we were talking and making jokes and having a good time. 

I was relieved to be home! 

My pregnancy and delivery

I got pregnant on May 15th, I found out on June 9th. I was totally stocked. Words can't explain how happy I was to finally be pregnant. We had been trying for so long it got to the point that I didn't think I could have children. I had some issues in the past with my cervix. For a while my doctor thought I had cervical cancer and I went through several procedures trying to get rid of it. He told me I needed a hysterectomy and I freaked out. I was only 21 years old so I went and saw an oncologist and got a second opinion. She told me i didn't have cancer and that what he did was not needed. I had something called cervical dysplasia and Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I had some scar tissue on my cervix from what the previous doctor did but nothing would keep me from having children (the doctor that diagnosed me with Cancer said I would never be able to have children).

So after all that you could imagine my excitement and relief when we conceived my son.

My pregnancy went really well. I didn't have any morning sickness at all. I had some issues with some foods, my tummy would get upset when I ate red sauce or hamburgers. I had mad cravings for oranges and chocolate milk, not together but thats all I wanted. My pregnancy went perfectly I had no issues. We found out it was a boy at 13 weeks in and we were so happy. From then on we started planning what his nursery would look like and what his name would be. Randy picked his name, Bradley, his middle name Christopher is after my little brother, his middle name is also Christopher. My brother and I are very close so I wanted my son in some way to be named after him.

As I got further along the doctor kept making comments on how big he was. He was weighing in over 2 and a half weeks ahead of schedule. By the time I was 34 weeks he was already over 8 pounds. We were told at that point that it might be possible that we will need to have a C Section. I was crushed. I wanted to have him naturally, my family kept telling me to wait it out and we will see. At my 37 week appointment he was 9 pounds, and my doctor said I don't think he will come out naturally, I think we may need to consider a C Section. She told us to go home and look into what it entails. So we did, at that time I decided that we would do what ever is safest for Bradley. I wasn't going to risk his safety because I wanted to have him naturally... I felt that was a bit selfish. So at 38 weeks we went to the doctor and he was approximately 9.2 pounds, she said OK what do you want to do. I asked her what the risk was having a C Section and she said 1 in like 100 get slightly cut when they cut open me... but its nothing serious. I then asked what the risk was having him naturally. She said that he is so big and he hadn't dropped at all, my body wasn't ready to have him. She didn't think he would come out at all. She said if he by some chance got his head out his shoulders would get stuck. I had a narrow birth canal and that she was afraid she would either have to push him back or possibly break his shoulders to get him out which could potentially paralyze him. She said that I could also go to over 42 weeks since it takes a while for the baby to drop in the birth canal and he wasnt there yet. If that were the case he would be over 10 pounds and could have risk of diabetes. So we decided to have a C Section, we scheduled it for a week later, March 1st, which was my sister in laws birthday as well.

After the appointment I felt good about what we decided to do. I knew that it was the best thing for my son, I was so convinced that I couldn't have him I wasn't about to do something that could potentially hurt him.

March 1st came in the blink of an eye. I didn't sleep 1 blink the night before. I have a anxiety issue. I am TERRIFIED of needles and anything that might slightly cause pain. I got good at giving blood during the pregnancy but other then that I am a total baby. I have never even had a cavity filled .. not by choice but because I have never had any, so this idea of having surgery was terrifying.

We got there at 12 pm, the C Section was scheduled for 2pm. I got prepped for the operation and I kept crying, my mom kept telling me to calm down and there was no backing out and that I needed to just get over it because I was having a baby. Well that wasn't helping, it made me feel worse for being scared of the surgery instead of being happy to finally meet my son. Well 3 long hours later I am fully prepped and heading into the OR (apparently at this point my blood pressure was 192 over 110 and I was at high risk for a stroke, they told my husband and my mom this... good thing they didn't tell me). I went in for the epidural and about had a panic attack. There was a nurse there who was someone I have known for almost 20 years, if it weren't for her I honestly think I would have fainted right then and there. After I got the shot and was on my back I couldn't keep myself focused on anything. The lady that gave me the epidural kept poking me to see if I was fully numb, they called my husband in. He bent down and gave me a kiss, at the same time she was still poking me to see if I could feel my legs. At that point I couldn't feel anything, my OB said I was going to feel some pressure and I sure as hell did. I screamed so loud, well I thought I did, and then he was out. They asked if I wanted to see him and I started crying and said no because the lady was taking down the curtain and I thought she was going to take it all the way down. I slightly saw him but I was so scared of seeing myself like that I didn't want to look too much. I remember telling one of the nurses to cover my ears because I was afraid of hearing them talking about sewing me up. They brought Bradley around for me to see and I just fell in love. He was 9 pounds 11 ounces and 21 inches long. He was a big baby. The doctor was right about him not being able to make it out naturally. I was happy with my choice to have a C Section.











After all that I went into recovery and waited to see him. After an hour they brought him to me. I started crying and I breast fed him for the first time. It was amazing. They finally took me back to my room and I had all my family there to see me. I was so drugged up from the epidural and the morphine and the motron I was slurring my words and I could barley focus on anything. After all my family left and Bradley was sleeping I asked Randy how it all went. He told me that when he came into the OR they were already cutting me open. So when they told me I was going to feel pressure that it was really them pulling him out of me, he was stuck apparently in my rib cage. So that was news to me. I thought it was a little funny. We were a little bummed though, he wanted to cut the cord and he didn't get a chance to do that.

And thats the story of how my son was born.

Not my best photo but its me holding him only hours after I had him

Right after he was born, before either Randy or I held him

Doing all his tests to make sure he is healthy 

A little history

I thought that before I went into my daily life blogging I thought it would be good to give you a little history! So here is the short story on how I became a wife and a mother. 

I met my husband on Myspace, I was in a HORRIBLE relationship and I was looking around for people I knew and I saw this picture of this guy in all black with a hot pink tie on, which is my favorite color combination. So I clicked on his picture and read his profile. He was a drummer and I thought that was amazingly hot. I sent him an email and I all I said was 

"hey
love the tie.. lol. its cute. just thought i would drop by and say hey.
your a total cutie!" 

We talked on the phone and over emails for a while. On November 24th, 2005 we decided to meet in person. It was Thanksgiving night and we had been talking for a little while, he was drinking and I was having a bad night so we put the idea of "it's bad to meet people online" aside and I went against my better judgement and gave him my home address. Now Thanksgiving in my house is a HUGE deal. My mother has over all her friends and we have this extravagant dinner and most of the guests end up a little toasted at the end of the night. I hated it when I was under age and was treated that now. Now that I can have a few and loosen up i actually enjoy it. =]. So he came to my house and met my entire family and all our friends. The poor thing must have been so overwhelmed (there was at least 25 people there), not to mention I had left the fact that my mom is gay out, well he found out that night. Not that I was embarrassed or anything I just hadn't told him yet. 

After he met everyone we went to the movies and saw Yours, Mine and Ours. It was a cute first date movie. I so thought he hated me, he said he hates girly girls, and here I am in this cute faded and tight jeans, a halter top with a pink over shirt with heals and my hair and make up done perfectly. At that point I thought all my chances were gone out the window. He didn't hold my hand all night and we barely talked. 

After the movie he said he had to get home since he worked in the morning (it was only 10pm) and he took me home. I went to get out of the car and he didn't move so I asked if I at least get a hug so he reached over his stick shift and gave me a hug. 

I went inside feeling like the night was a bust. 

I called him the next day and he came to hang out with me and my at the time bestie Meagan, and from that night on we were inseparable.

We moved in together quickly due to some home issues I was having. He proposed on June 30th 2006 and we got married July 18th 2009. We tried to have a baby for almost 9 months before we got pregnant with him in May. He was born March 1st 2011. And he is the center of our world. 

So that is the back story on how I met my wonderful hubby and our baby. I am one of those lucky girls who truly married their soul mates. I feel that he and were meant to be together. I thank God for him sending him to me! He is my best friend! <3

This was the picture that started it all! 

Listen to this playlist: SheenaBarton's Playlist